2015-2016 A Year's Memoir

I keep attempting to write posts about 2015 and I keep getting stuck,

2015 made me feel really stuck. I quit my unhealthy job that I had a codependent relationship with and I floundered afterwards.

I wrote a book. I didn't just half write a Nanowrimo novel. But I have learned that once you write a book the hard part is getting people to read it. So if no one reads it does it exist?

I invested my heart in people that really let me down. I moved away from the people who mattered to me most in search of a new and better life.

I am reminded how hard it is to make friends in a new place. And how easy it is for me to bury myself in books and crafting projects.

I forgot about my trusty blog and left it here, full of crafting projects and memories.

I lost my will to workout because the weather got cold. I hope it returns soon.

I  have watched BoJack Horseman several times over. I empathize with Diane and her Boston background so much and understand her constant malaise and need to do good but not being happy. And the obsession with artisinal nuts and how LA that is and I miss it.

I am learning how to stand up for myself dealing with some very evil movers. I am still dealing with it 6 months after moving.

I dealt with some serious health issues that really made me depressed. I am still figuring it out.

I have been unpacking all the crap from childhood I suppressed because the last six months have been the least amount of responsibility and stress I have had in 21 years. I am 32.

I truly learned what my marriage means. It has been tested to the extremes lately and it has only grown stronger with each twist. We are taffy, we grow more complex and delicious with each application of force.

I have spent a great deal of 2016 watching Taylor Swift's new video over and over. It gives me strength for the new year.

I read some good psychology books on my issues and encourage others to do the same.

I want 2016 to be the year of me.

October Short Story

It's been quite some time since I posted on here. But life happens. But I wanted to keep up tradition and post an October horror story! So here it is...

Title: The Cautionary Tale of the Exterminator

When we moved to Washington I expected to encounter more nature than I ever had before. It promised the beauty of wilderness as well as cooler temperatures than Southern California. We found a nice little house out in the suburbs.

I enjoyed waking up to see deer, pick blackberries and ponder the myriad of fungi and trees. I even thought the small spider that was weaving a web outside the front door was cute, and part of the charm.

A few days into our unpacking the doorbell rang. We opened it to find a man standing there, smiling. He was wearing a uniform with embroidery that said that he worked for an exterminating company. He offered us his services, but we shrugged him off. We were used to handling roaches and ants. We had bought a bug zapper for the moths and mosquitoes. What more could there be? We took his card and didn’t think of him again for many days.

That was until the day that I noticed the open egg sac.

And then several more webs and spiders. But they were simple spiders. No black widows among them. They build giant, easy to spot webs.

And then one day I opened the front door and found my way blocked by a giant web. Still, it wasn’t very thick. I carefully plucked the strings of the web, dismantling it. The spider, which was about an inch in diameter hurried down into the bushes next to the door and I continued on my way.

When I returned home I saw that not only had the spider returned to making its’ web, several others had joined it and were knitting webs across the garage door and some of the windows as well. We were fine with them until they crossed the line. And the line had been crossed.

My husband dutifully went outside and began to spray the spiders with poison.

For a few days we had peace.

Then we saw another spider. This one was about two inches across. It was knitting a new web across the garage doors. It was thicker than the other webs we had seen. Again, we descended upon it. After all, this was our home, not theirs. They had the whole forest behind the house to live in.

We waited a few hours then went outside. No spiders to be seen.

We went to bed that night and when I woke I thought the fog outside was incredible. I moved to the window. When I came closer I began to realize that it wasn’t fog.

I moved from the room. My husband followed. Window to window we looked, and it was the same white.

We headed towards the front door. My stomach twisted. Slowly, I opened it. A sticky, white wall met me. I backed away. My husband headed to the garage, returning with the axe he used to chop wood for the fireplace.

He began chopping at the white wall, angrily. A small hole appeared. And then a larger one.

I peered into the hole, trying to see outside.

My eyes met one large black eye. Then the eye disappeared. I got one good look outside before my husband grabbed my arm, jerking me around. I spun around.

Giant fangs impaled the ceiling. The house shrieked and groaned as the wood and wires tore. The fangs were dripping something glistening. The floor hissed and sizzled where the liquid dropped.

Then the whole house began to get smaller. No. It was being compressed. A great sucking sound began in our ears, and suddenly we were pressed against the ceiling between the great fangs.

As I felt the paralysis creep up my legs I wished I could recall where we had put the exterminator’s card.

THE END

We Are Living in Panem

With last night's GOP taking control of the senate I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. All that stands between me and the loss of my reproductive health rights is one worn out man grasping to show that things are better now than they were 6 years ago when he stepped into position as president. While he is no Coriolanus Snow, I fear he could be replaced by one who is and that would be the end of the dystopian projection and become reality. We are already so close.

When poor citizens of Panem, while still being employed have to take Tesserae to make ends meet. How is this any different than a single mother working three jobs and still having to take welfare? It's not.

When those who are supposed to protect us are the ones slaughtering us, how are Peacekeepers any different than police offers?

When textbooks no longer contain facts due to political decisions how is that any different than the narrow education children in the districts get?

When access to real doctors becomes illegal or impossible people turn to more dangerous local answers, how is that any different than Panem?

When children like Rue are slaughtered by children like Marvel or Cato how is that any different than (I will not dignify them with names) slaughtered other children at Sandy Hook or Columbine? It's not. People tuned in, fascinated, just as the Capitol would, while others just mourned.

When a few who enjoy the luxury of the capitol while the majority are left to suffer, how is that any different than the 1% and the 99? It's not.

Don't delude yourselves. There is a rebellion brewing. Don't be afraid to hold out your berries.

My Body is Not Your Body

Two post day! I am getting wild up in here! Or I just have a lot to say and my passion is gearing it towards writing rather than anything else at the moment. Not only have I achieved a new peace by letting go of some of my notorious hustle and bustle (think Monica Geller on speed), I have also taken a great personal leap into the world of very visible tattoos.

I was advised against this by someone in my life who has some very painfully outdated ideas on human bodies, and personal body relationships which led to some very sad and confused years that has taken many friends, many kind and supportive lovers and much therapy to get over. I am happy to say that other than some grumblings about IBS, Hypothyroidism and TMJ I have a great love for the shapes of my body, bumps, lumps, weird hairs, giant boobs, all of it.

I am happy that I listened to myself in taking this step. Because my body is a work of art. It is opening my eyes. Every piece of food or drink that passes my lips, every lotion I use, every haircut I get, every workout and yes, every tattoo is an aspect of 'my art'.

I wear my tattoos proudly because they are all a part of the stories I love and stories that have become woven into my own. None more than this latest addition. I carry with me always the spirit of Harry, Katniss, Elsa, Anna, Buffy, Frodo, The Newsies, and Arthur Dent. I carry my heroes and heroines who survived the loss of parents, loved ones, lived through the hardest adventures and never gave up. I am never alone because they are all here with me. And now I am proudly sharing them even more openly with the world. Because maybe, perhaps my story will help strengthen others.

I am standing up for myself, what I want and how I want to be treated. I am giving myself a channel to the world that I didn't have before as someone so introverted. Even in the past week my normally painful interactions with strangers in elevators and stores have been imbued with a magic, a power, that this new ink gives me.

To love yourself is the greatest power and magic of all.

Love, The Geeky Garlic Girl

Finding Peace in a Busy World

2014 is not over yet but I feel the need to reflect on it now. It has been some time since I last posted. Mostly due to scheduling/health/general malaise, but I feel I am emerging from this state for numerous reasons. 2014 I deemed to be the year of living positively. Right off the bat that fell apart. It took me until recently to really realize why.

When you schedule yourself every moment with work, hobbies, exercise, cooking, cleaning, etc. YOU can get lost in the shuffle of THINGS. You stop noticing the small beautiful moments in life. You stop SEEING.

I barreled through the year until we finally went on our honeymoon in September, where my habits of excessive planning turned us into burnt out grumps. And I took it to heart. Which isn't to say it wasn't the most magical experience on earth. (Harry Potter land! Dinner in Cinderella's castle!)

But it could have been better if I had planned less and looked forward to living in the moments. So with the dip in my health as a result of burnout I took extreme measures. I have skipped the exercise classes, stopped planning so many meals in advance, stopped booking my weeknights and weekends to the top and just left it free.

In doing so I have found longer and longer respites for my sanity. Less depression, less anxiety and more appreciation for my cats, my husband, my friends and my hobbies. I have even found myself smiling more at myself in the mirror than just rushing through my morning and evening routines because my attention is not on 10 other tasks that need to be done that day.

It's important to remind ourselves every now and then, in a world of Pinterest, the latest news scandals, the latest in planet doom and gloom, the body revolution or devolution, and all the rest, is that we have a choice whether we want to participate, it isn't mandatory. And that my friends creates peace.

Positivity & Depression

Over the past year I have struggled with depression and anxiety more than usual, much coming from health problems and family deaths that left me reeling. In January it finally all hit at once. Everything. 19 years worth of pain that I had been unknowingly repressing and holding in burst out of me. From there I have been working on rebuilding myself and my brain, one thought at a time. I want to share some of the things that have helped me cope with my acute anxiety disorder so maybe I can help other people who are suffering.

Therapy. I had bad experiences with a bad therapist as a child, (after my mom died) and it took many years to seek it out again, but now I have a much better therapist and I feel comfortable sharing. Don't settle for a therapist you don't love. It won't help anything. Trust me. There's a perfect one out there for you.

Get off social media more. I really noticed a shift in my spirits when I decided to take weekends as time for just me and my husband and friends I could see in person. I realized that the world didn't end when I didn't know what show so and so watched, or what vacation so and so else had come back from. It really helped me reconnect with my new husband.

Give back. This one is the most sensible of all. Buy a homeless person food. Shovel a driveway for someone. Be a mentor to someone struggling. When I am down and find myself without much time I like to browse moreloveletters.com and send letters to people with their own struggles. It helps me feel better by adding more love into the world and it also reminds me that my problems, big as they might seem, are not so big that I can't carry them.

Spend time with a pet. Our cat Buttercup knows what time is sit down and cuddle time and will make sure I know if I am cooking too late into the evening or doing other things that interrupt his sacred time with me. He makes me pause and appreciate those around me, if just for a few minutes. It can be annoying but I am more grateful than anything.

Lean on your friends. This is something that is hard for me. I grew up as an independent child as a result of some of the darker parts of my childhood. I tried to be as isolated and self reliant as I could and that wore me out. It is spiritually exhausting to be lonely. When I learned how to reach out and ask for help my life improved. It is still scary to put my faith in others, but I am getting better at it.

Get to know yourself. So much depression and anxiety comes from drowning in SEPs. (Somebody else's problems.) My therapy is helping me set boundaries and say no to things I don't want to do, and in turn I am less anxious and stressed out. My time is becoming MY time. For me, about me, about what I think. Not in a self centered way. but more learning more about myself and how I tick so I can be a better friend, wife, daughter, sister, niece etc. To thine own self be true.

If any of these tips help you overcome some of your problems and battles please let me know. I would love to hear it!

My Big Rant

Over the past week I have been insulted, harangued, threatened and worse. Because I dared to tell the world I am not okay with the fact that women's reproductive systems are being more legislated than guns. The fact I have to type this sentence as a woman in 2014 breaks my heart.

One of the worst parts? Someone I tried to explain the situation to dismissed it as not her problem, when her very boss was the one who said the very public and very frightening things to me. She just got an IUD. The very type of birth control her boss would take away from her if she could.

WAKE UP AMERICA. This isn't someone else's problem. This is your problem, and your brother's, and your mom's, and your doctor's. It's all our problems. I could cite all the statistics of how our infant mortality rate is skyrocketing, the amount of corruption being revealed in police work and on the floor of Congress. I could talk about the growing violence against men in the growing prison systems and as well as the number of deaths of children to self inflicted gun shot wounds.

But what's the point? Men and women like the ones I described above are both symptoms of a greater problem. Each person who turns their back on statistics like the ones above is another degree of damnation. Our country is not falling apart. It is being ripped to shreds by a tightly held oligarchy that we are too lazy to do anything about!

Well I'm not. I will be there protesting, escorting women into planned parenthood, I will be using my voice. I will no longer be sitting on the sidelines. I have kicked one person out of my life this week over his views and I will do it again if I have to. I will move mountains starting with a single pebble.

I will leave you with a very famous poem.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

The Great Big Wedding Post!

The silence is over. The wedding has passed, and now I can share all the crazy crafting projects that have taken my attention away from cooking, blogging, exercise, and everything else but wedding crafting. It was worth it for the things I am going to show you now! (All images not credited are my own measly attempts to capture what I was doing, the gorgeous ones are all professionally done and credited.)

When we were forming the idea for our wedding it had started out as a much broader book themed wedding, but when we lost our first venue we changed it, realizing that our second choice venue (Lawry's Prime Rib of Beverly Hills) would be perfect for a Harry Potter themed wedding. Ideas started churning in my head about what I wanted, from the goblet of fire, and the house points to Bertie Botts Beans. There was too much to choose from to represent it all, so we concentrated on enhancing the restaurant's Hogwarts like features.

I am not a fan of cut flowers, and I cringed at how much plastic goes into fake ones, so we originally tried making paper flowers, but those had mixed results. (See the past post on this subject.) When those didn't work we went back to the drawing board. We experimented with various media until we stumbled upon ribbon roses. I happened to have a friend who turned out to be brilliant at making them and so we decided to create brooch bouquets with ribbons, since I loved the idea of brooch bouquets.

Since our theme gave us the option to use many colors we took advantage of that. We let the bridesmaids pick out a style together, and the only criteria was that it came in all 4 house colors. This allowed us to create bouquets with the house accent colors, pulling our theme together without making anyone wear robes, or uniforms.

Image Credit Candice Benjamin Photography. (candicebenjamin.com)

I got the chance to really try my hand a few different crafts I hadn't tried before, as well as breaking out my old calligraphy skills. One of my favorite new crafts is needlefelting, where you use a small serrated needle and stab it into wool to tangle the wool and shape it, much as a clay sculptor would. This allowed me to create some special items to decorate the tables such as Dobby, below.

Another example was the Platform 9 3/4 sign and brick fabric. We wanted people to feel like they were being transported to Hogwarts, starting the moment they arrived. Being greeted by Hedwig and Harry's truck certainly helped.

Image Credit Candice Benjamin Photography. (candicebenjamin.com)

Since I was going to be wearing a regular wedding dress, I wanted my accessories to be matched to the theme, as well as the groomsmen. I bought Harry Potter silk ties off Amazon for the men to wear. I bought a Time Turner from the Noble collection and found a pair of earrings I liked at Charming Charlie's. The other bracelet was what I wore out that night with my Ravenclaw party dress. I found that at a Harry Potter craft fair at Whimsic Alley, a charming little nerd boutique in Hollywood. My co worker created the garters, by dismantling some HP earrings that are sold at hot Topic.

Image Credit Candice Benjamin Photography. (candicebenjamin.com)

We really wanted people to keep discovering new things as they moved through the wedding venue, from the ceremony room to the reception hall. We had House banners created, and our venue let us choose house colors for all the different tables so that people really felt like they were sitting in the great hall at their house's tables. Various friends who I can not give enough thanks to, helped create and set up the decorations. We were pleased with our Monster Book Of Monsters Guestbook, created my by cousins, who took my idea of a Trelawney book of predictions and even made a scroll to go with it!

And the table of cake pops and candy looked great. We really wanted our guests to feel like you had visited Honeydukes. (The candy table got Marvolo Gaunt rings instead of Truffle Snitches because Wormtail found them in the office and ate them all. We even decorated the bathroom stalls.

Image Credit Candice Benjamin Photography. (candicebenjamin.com)

All in all it was a huge success.

Image Credit Candice Benjamin Photography. (candicebenjamin.com)
Wands Came from Wands and Wood
Banners were made by Men of the Cloth
Hair by Leanne Hare
Makeup by Megan Vigil

Positivity

I read an article over the weekend regarding New Year's Resolutions and how often people fail to keep them. It discussed the idea of having a New Year's theme of things you would like to work on in your life, and I loved the idea. I did meet many of my specific goals for last year, but still it felt lacking and disappointing so I am going to embrace this change.

My theme for 2014 will be POSITIVITY.

I would like to speak more positively instead of complaining and denouncing. This will need to be a change in mindset, not just behavior. I have let myself become a bitter and cranky 30 year old without realizing it and it needs to stop now.

I would like to think more optimistically and worry less. Worry is just using your imagine for ill instead of good.

I would like to find a way to approach each day and each task I take on with more enthusiasm, looking for the bright side of each situation.

I would like to treat my body positively. Not just love the way it looks, but love the way it feels inside and out, by exercising, eating right and limiting indulgent behaviors.

And I will achieve it! 2014, here I come!

Ancestry

I have been silent for a month because it has been a busier month than I could have imagined. But, as I was cleaning up after a dinner I had prepared, I stopped and paused. And it felt like poetry was bursting out of me that needed to be shared...
Salt whooshses along the grill lines
Creating a rhythm which lulls me
My hand braces the iron handle pound for pound
Scrub and scrub
Until white becomes brown becomes white
Scoured clean
My hands feel like my ancestors' do
This thing we do, a simple moment to connect with the past
One hundred years ago, on prairies, on barren fields of potatoes
On high moors and lush valleys
And I am with them, each
Cast with their strength
These women, these adventurers

Catching the Fever

Sorry for the lateness of this post. My friend was going to post it on his site, but I have not seen it so I thought I would share it with you here in the meantime for those curious about reading about my time at Fan camp.

A late October day I filled out a form online regarding something called “Catching Fire Fan Camp”. It was one of various forms I had filled out in order to win a chance to see Catching Fire early. Immediately I forgot about it until I received an e-mail on November 1st (I was at dinner) that informed me I was selected to attend and was assigned to District 5. (Out of 5, not 12 as you would assume.) Sadly, I had not signed up my fiancé, so I realized would be going alone if I decided to attend/if I got time off.

With no more information forthcoming, and only armed with the hashtag #cffancamp I was left to ponder what this entailed, exchanging countless texts with other winners, until we received a second e-mail on November 8th which gave more information on the events for the weekend, bringing some answers to the big questions we all had. A third on November 11th gave instructions on the appropriate tents but no more.

Feeling overwhelmed and slightly confused, I begged my boss for the day off, and after explaining what it was for, she agreed. Out of the chaos of twitter I was directed to join a facebook group for the event, which luckily for my sake was filled with fan camp pros, many of whom had participated in similar events for the previous Hunger Games movie, as well as the Twilight films, of which I am less familiar. Armed with the knowledge the group dispensed, I began to anticipate what the three days would hold for us.

Finding parking was a daunting experience because we were given a map with vague instructions to find a lot with overnight parking. All the lots said no overnight parking but upon asking a security guard we found out that technically the garages by the Nokia Theater & Staples Center don’t ever close so technically you can. So I parked and dutifully unloaded my ridiculously large and comical amount of items. (I have camped exactly 0 times before.) I tottered the way the security guards pointed until I was admitted to a cordoned off area, situated in the closed off street between The Nokia Theater and The Staples Center.

I got checked in and told where to set up. Having practiced setting up my tent earlier that week (huzzah for Amazon Prime’s two-day shipping!) I was able to help others around me with their tents. As far as the eye could see there were tents.

I ventured towards the Nokia plaza and found that Coke, Kiss FM and Amazon Kindle had set up some booths to give away freebies and do some fun green screen photos.

I got in line to do the Amazon green screen photo because I wanted a raffle ticket. (Yes thank you I would like to win a new Kindle) and since there was not much else going on at the moment. Soon it was announced that Willow Shields (who plays Primrose Everdeen) would be signing. I jogged back to my tent and retrieved the very large Quarter Quell poster I thought to buy earlier in the week. I found a place in line with some new friends I had met in the photo line and off we went.

They had free posters made up especially for the weekend for those who did not bring anything to sign, which was nice of them. When we got to front of the line after about 45 minutes, I talked briefly with her about her portrayal of Prim, and about my own little blonde sister, the Prim to my Katniss.

After an hour they escorted her out and brought in Stephanie Schlund, who is playing Cashmere in the new movie. She was exceedingly nice, staying until well after her hour was over to make sure she gave autographs to anyone who wanted one.

At this point we hung around the Kiis booth as they did various giveaways. It was an impressive amount of swag all told. Around 6 everyone broke for dinner and they began moving around the set up to prepare for the screening of the original Hunger Games.

At 8 we returned to the Nokia Plaza, armed with camping chairs and blankets as well as some Hunger Games candy bars that were given out earlier. (Seriously, the swag!) It is hard to describe watching the movie in such a bustling, well lit, part of down town. Or I could say it gave me a slightly guilty feeling of being in the movie and watching the actual Hunger Games in the Capitol, in comfort. C’est la vie.

It had been a long day and so we turned in early and tried to tune out the noise and lights of the Staples center. (Unfortunately a basketball game was just getting out and the bathroom situation got a little bit interesting with the blending of those in pajamas with those in heels and suits. Armed with earplugs and a facemask I did the best I could to get some sleep.

Sunday began with free bagels and muffins from Corner Bakery and then a giveaway from Time Warner of some very nice Catching Fire shirts, swag bags and posters. Then we were told that more signings would be happening and the whole tent city exploded with frantic people, rushing to line up.

I found my new friends towards the back of the line and joined them. Word spread that Sam Claflin, Jeffrey Wright and Jena Malone were signing. As a huge Jena fan I was extremely excited, but alas, the hour was up before we made it to the front. (Poor planning on the part of Lion’s Gate on the signings. We probably should have been given tickets, or lined up by district, but I can’t really complain because we got to meet the next guest who came out. Josh Hutcherson.

As I had the other guests I thanked him for coming out and he signed my poster. Immediately I got back line again, as other people had, because we were informed there would be another guest. The next guest we had the pleasure of meeting was none other than the director, Francis Lawrence.

I gushed at him about my hopes for this movie, and heaped praise on his adaptation for Water for Elephants, to the point where he offered to take a photo with me which up until that point had been a no-no. (You could take pictures of, but not with the guests.)

So I got a special treat. After that things wound up for the day because they needed the space to set up the premiere. I spent the evening quietly, with some camp friends, playing board games and discussing the upcoming events as well as the previous. IT was very surreal, surrounded by the bustle of the city, sitting there in pajamas and eating candy, acting like any youth would at sleep away camp in the summer. (Or so I imagine.)

We were told we be woken at 5 am and told to pack up to receive our tickets to return. Sure enough, 5 am arrived all too quickly, and hundreds of sleepy fans moving as slow as zombies pulled down tents and then huddled in their chairs until we were dismissed. I luckily had gotten a hotel room so I walked down the street, (yes in my pajamas!) and promptly went back to sleep until it was time to get ready and leave. (Otherwise known as check out time.)

Wearing my own version of a premiere dress, and donning my slippers I walked back to the Nokia center to drop stuff in my car and have lunch. We didn’t have call backs until 4 pm so I took another nap in my car.

When 3:30 rolled around we all met upstairs and were lined up by our numbers and sent inside to find a spot to defend. I found a good spot, center, second tier, but upon spying my friends over to the side on their third tier I decided to give it up and go over there. From our spot we had a great view of the whole red carpet area.

Especially good view of the back of the big, flaming Mockingjay over the entrance.

It took some time for the celebrities to roll our way because we were the fans closest to the entrance to the theater but eventually many of them did, some rushing as it approached 8 pm. I decided to keep to my eagle’s perch up and in back, rather than descend into the chaos below as books, posters, and various other items were offered up to the stars for signing. For the most part it was a slightly dull, but pleasant experience. I couldn’t fathom being one of the many reporters in the center pens, tottering on giant heels and in dresses almost as nice as the ones on the red carpet. I was cold enough in my dress, and my flats started to get wearisome as the hours wore on.

I snapped a collection of blurry photos as a result my phone’s camera being constantly trying to focus due to the press cameras and light directly opposite us. The one good photo I was able to snag was of Lenny Kravitz, looking like he is standing still as the world rushes by, the epitome of cool.

I failed to get Suzanne Collins attention to show her my Mockingjay tattoo (hey, a girl can dream). I got a good chuckle out of Liam Helmsworth’s reaction to some of the more exuberant of his fans and even got a very blurry, but somehow creepy photo of Donald Sutherland as he got out of his car.

Just about 8 they started letting our side of the fanstand in to the theater and there was a rush for bathrooms and free drinks. (They were out of popcorn by then, sadly. ) The theater holds 5000 and it was packed. I was at the back in the left hand corner. I was impressed with the great view of the screen even from so far back. After a few words from the Lion’s Gate CEO, the director and an appearance of the main cast the movie started.

For 146 minutes the theatergoers were held in Francis Lawrence’s spell. He completely nailed Catching Fire, in a way that I had only begun to hope when I heard he was replacing the director of Hunger Games. He guided Jennifer Lawrence in such a way that the first movie failed to capture; the emotions of Katniss, the desperation, the panic, and the damage that the whole experience did to her. I have to admit though, Jena Malone stole the show as Johanna Mason, and the clapping for her drowned out the movie a few times. A few of the more juvenile movie goers screamed banalities such “Team Peeta” but for the most part the majority of fans were respectful.

After the screening we waited in the extensive line to get our phones back from security, eyed the after party upstairs on the roof of the parking garage with jealousy, and then headed home, with hugs and smiles dispensed out to new friends before parting.

All in all it was an amazing experience. Made more so by the fact it was a free event. I can definitely see why these fans return year after year. Yes, the whole star sighting and movie screenings are a blast, but the friends you make clearly seems to be the best kept secret of fan camp.

Hunger Games: Catching Fire Fan Camp

I am very pleased (ecstatic really) to announce that I was chosen to attend the Catching Fire Fan Camp weekend November 16-18th. I was assigned District 5 (which is not that far off from what I do for actual work.) I will be planning on writing a special guest post for CC2K, an site devoted to all things Geek, but I will also be sharing with you some of the highlights that might not make it into that article.

Sloppy Joes!

If there's one thing Josh loves, it's Sloppy Joes. So in my quest for low carb options I have come up with the following recipe, which is a great substitute if someone you love is having trouble parting from their Manwich.

Ingredients
1 Spaghetti squash
1 lb. ground beef- grass fed if possible
1 can (6-8 oz.) tomato paste
1 tablespoon Olive Oil
1 onion
3-6 cloves garlic (or more if you are a geeky garlic girl like me!)
2-3 tablespoons vinegar (red or apple cider, or both)
2 tablespoons worcheshire sauce
4 tablespoons of coconut sugar (words in place of the brown sugar!)
1/2 c. beef broth

Preheat the oven to 375. While it is preheating cut the spaghetti squash in two, lengthwise and place open side down on a cookie sheet. Get the oil into a skillet or non stick pan and heat it up medium high. When those are ready, place the spaghetti squash into the oven, set the timer for 30 minutes.

Add the ground beef, onion, garlic to the skillet and brown the beef, softening the onions. Take the rest of your ingredients and whisk them together. After about 5-7 minutes add your liquid mixture to the ground beef mixture and turn down to a simmer, let simmer for the last 20 minutes your spaghetti squash is in the oven.
When the timer goes off on your spaghetti squash take a peek in the oven, you'll know if it's done if you start to see browning at the cut edges. Leave it in for a few more minutes if you don't see it, or if your fork doesn't penetrate it easily.
Take a spaghetti squash half and put it in on a plate, no need for a bowl since the squash creates one. Add a heaping helping of your sloppy joe mixture and you are done! Little effort for maximum flavor.
See how exciting it is?

Breaking Bad Blanket Part 3

My last post was when I was partially done with the blanket and I haven't done anything else. I haven't had time to come up with any new recipes. I have mostly been cooking from Peace, Love & Low Carb as she has some fantastic, cozy winter low carb recipes.

But last night I finished the blanket, at last! Took longer than I expected towards the end. (Man those big rows!) But I am glad it's done and I can go back to my needle felting for the wedding. Getting those done are my next priority, craft-wise.

What do you guys think, compared to the show? All we need is some haz suits and we are set.

Breaking Bad Afghan Update!

It's been a couple weeks since I posted about the afghan. I am chugging along on it. A little over halfway done. I just realized yesterday that I hadn't done an extra chain between my squares, (oopsy). But I don't mind. I like my granny square afghans a little bit tighter. So we will see how much extra/how much I come up short, at the end of the project and access how to do the next one, since I promised a few of them!
Can you tell how it's coming?

I am hoping to finish the project this week so I can bring it along for the viewing of American Werewolf in London this Saturday at Cinespia. I am very excited because Werewolf Ale will be there, along with Mr Frodo Baggins. It's my quest to track him down and sneak into the DJ booth so I can ask him to sign my LOTR tattoo and have it inked on there permanently! What a dream that would be! There are still tickets left if you guys are interested!

Reflection

I haven't had time to reflect on having this blog running for a year, (yay 1 year anniversary!) because of personal family emergencies over the last few weeks. September was not been an easy month for me, or many of my family members. But it was full of more personal growth and insight than possibly the entire year so far. I had some great fantasies when I started this blog about doing it every day of the week, and taking the weekends off, but after a few weeks it became clear my life was far too busy and hectic to continue at that pace, but at the same time I learned that people cared about it, and read it, and missed the posts when they weren't there, so I vowed to myself to keep it up, but only at my own pace, waiting for inspiration instead of forcing ideas, to ensure I am only posting valuable things for you.

In the coming month I hope to share with you some posts on my favorite season (autumn) and my favorite holiday (Halloween!) I have some ideas brewing for short stories, costumes and movie suggestions for the month. (My favorite candy is Mounds, my favorite scary movie is Cabin in the Wood, and the key to a good Halloween party is fabulously spooky food.)

I just want to remind folks in the Los Angeles area that the El Capitan does 3-D showings of Nightmare Before Christmas all month, and if you haven't seen it in 3-D yet do yourself a favor, don your Sally patchwork dress, or Jack Skellington whites and head out there for it.

YA- Y NOT?

Warning: Contains ME! Confessing in all my glory and humility.
I don't recall having explained to you, readers, why I have such an affinity for YA literature. And I think it is time, if I am going to continue to recommend and discuss books with you.

My childhood ended when I was 11 years old and my mother died. I am not stating this for sympathy, merely to set our story. I took on the task of preparing my little sister and I for school in the mornings, allowing my dad, who went to work at ungodly hours (i.e. any time before the sun comes up) to have some peace of mind about leaving us alone. (This was in age long ago -20 years- when people understood that giving children responsibilities isn't some horrific form of torture, or ruining the end of childhood, (I am looking at you parents who won't let your precious Duddykins have jobs as a teenager, thus ensuring whiny college student syndrome) but a natural progression into adulthood.

Being entrusted with this kind of responsibility as a teenager turned into a sacred bond between my sister, dad and I. He TRUSTED us. And in turn we tried to be worthy of that trust. Both of us, me especially, kept to ourselves and did not engage in the reckless, explorative activities of our peers. My weekdays and weekends were filled with drama club, poetry club, 3 part time jobs, and my nights were filled with hours of television and writing. (I confess, I wrote more often than that, filling notebooks with fan fiction as teachers attempted to pass knowledge onto myself and my classmates. One teacher even got furious enough to take away my notebook for the remainder of the class. -I had more paper) I still got decent grades, A's & B's, only C's with Mr Burke, my horrible but good natured math teacher of years 9, 10, 11. (They failed to realize I didn't work well with that teacher, rather they just assumed I wasn't very good at math. Ahh, public schools.) Hours of Buffy, Roswell, X-Files. I was an insomniac sci-fi junkie. My close friends lived in other parts of the world. I was a part of the burgeoning internet generation, a giant in the world of Buffy Fan fiction. People KNEW me. (I even met a fan who ended up at the same college as me! Imagine that!) And as such, my dad didn't know enough to question me, or (thought I was smart enough to let me) went to visit an internet friend in DC while we were on a family vacation. (A few metro train rides away from where we were staying.) I did not get kidnapped or raped. I met a very nice girl with dreadlocks who went to a hippie art school. This was the epitome of my sixteen year old adventuring.
(Here is a photo of me at 16, visiting my aunt in Minnesota. On the Right is a friend I met through a Hanson chat room.)

But before I lose you down memory lane I will attempt to get back to the story. Emotionally, during those years, I shut down. I ran on autopilot. I lived in my stories so I could be a rock in the real world. I could be relied upon to take care of things. I could not connect to my peers who lived in a world where they dated, partied in the quarry, even drank and smoked pot! I felt so other from them and the characters on my shows and in the books I read. Even the Baby Sitter's Club girls got around more than me! (This all changed in college. I ran the gambit of trying things, although mostly reasonable things. (Tattoos! Kissing boys! Falling in love for the first time.) Nothing so wild as my television shows depicted. I am sorry to tell you I have no stories of cocaine filled nights in NYC. But something was still missing.

No matter how much I had come out of my shell I was still locked away, partially. It has taken close to a decade, the love of a good man, friends who do not judge, and a little YA heroine you might have heard of, by the name of Katniss Everdeen, to understand and break down the barriers I had put up over 20 years ago.

YA fiction lets me live my high school years in ways I was afraid to, in ways I coveted. I vicariously make stupid mistakes with these peers. From Harry Potter, to Tris, to Lyra, to Katniss, I get to try again, find new paths, to find comfort. Many of these characters feel alone and have lost a parent, sometimes two, and as a result I feel closer to them, than my peers, who used to stare, owllike at me, as if they could glean why I was chosen by the universe to lose a parent, and if it was contagious.

And that, my readers, is why I choose to live, half grown, in a world of possibilities, with the pain of first love and loss close to my heart. I don't know any other way.

Breaking Bad Crochet-A-Long

So it's been awhile since I have posted anything crafting related, mostly because I want to keep the wedding craft gifts a surprise for those who win them. But I am starting a new project that I would like to share with you readers and it is going to be a Breaking Bad Granny Square Afghan. It will be based on the one constantly featured on the back of the White's couch on the show (which Josh is insisting I watch, currently.) Much of my excitement about the show is being able to reproduce crafts from it, a la Firefly. (Long live the Jayne Hat!)

So to begin, I found this nice website:Breaking Bad Inspired Afghan. Then, I purchased the amount of yarn required in the right colors, something I hardly ever do. Look at me growing up and planning a project in advance! Check out all this yarn!
Tonight I am going to begin working the first color (pumpkin) and I will be updating you with pictures and I can answer any questions for any one else who want sot participate.

DIRTY 30!

This post is a meditation on turning 30 in less than a week. The big 3-0. An arbitrary number that has come to mean so much as a marker of how people view their lives, and achievements. I have vacillated between being joyous and upset at the rapid feeling passage of time.

10 Things I have Learned in 30 years

1. Most places I go out to (the movies, bars, theaters, restaurants) it's too dark to see grey hairs so why care as much? And makeup: the more you wear, the more you will have to wear. Good moisturizer and less sun is key in my beauty regime. I want my lovers to be hot for me without makeup so when I wear it it is an added bonus. I don't want to be someone who scares people who are used to seeing them with makeup, when I take it off.

2. Floss for goodness's sake. Cavities are expensive to take care of, floss is cheap.
3. You know more about your body than most doctors. Trust that. Fight for it. Don't say no when you feel you are right. You have one life, and one body.

4. Being able to do your own taxes makes you a superhero. It's also rather sensible Almost everyone I know who goes to a CPA ends up having to do amendments. No one REALLY understands the tax system so they really do cut you breaks if you goof, so give it a shot.

5. Learning how to cook great food is also a superhero skill. Double points for not spending more than an hour every night in the kitchen. Know the shortcuts to good food and use them. Soups and slow cookers are a busy person's best weapons to battle hunger and also create great leftovers. Even in summer I turn to soup often because it doesn't require an oven. Have a signature dish or two that you know you can make quickly and easily. The older you get the more pot lucks you will attend and be expected to bring a dish.

6. Eventually, it might take longer or shorter depending, you will get along with your siblings. Crazy, I know, but it does happen. And it's a great thing.

7. Don't rush. Don't rush in your car, don't rush your meals, don't rush down the aisle, don't rush into parenthood. Letting things unfold the way they were meant to is easier and less painful. Being quick and rushing are not the same things, remember, lest you confuse my meaning.

8. Enjoy hobbies that are easy to do alone, and hobbies that require you to meet new people. There's not many feelings better than learning something new and sharing it with the world. For my indoor hobbies I craft and play board games, and for outside hobbies I take offbeat fitness or dance classes. Some of the most frustrating and joyous moments of the past few years has been my experiences in taking tap dancing as an adult.

9. Read. Whenever you get the chance. Learn about what is going on in our world. Become an expert at something, anything. It will give you confidence. I feel armed in any situation thanks to my lifelong love of learning and reading.

10. After growing up as an introverted teenager, a loner, I had to opportunity to really learn who I was, unhurried by pressure from my peers. I was a celebrity in the online circles that I ran in, and that was enough. So when I got to college I was more prepared than many. There were no puppy eyed loverboys following me, no fragile friendships easily torn asunder that so many others had. I arrived as the person I was at that time, no apologies. And for the first time in my life, I found people coming to me in waves. At first it was just new friends, and as I got to connect with potential love interests, they too appeared and appeared, never one further than an IM or phone call away. I know that I am an average looking, overweight woman, like many others, but I also know that I am funny, kind, fierce, smart, confident, sensual, crafty, goofy, motherly and many other words. And those are the words that matter to me, not the ones that describe the shell that woman lives in.
Be yourself. Be utterly and apologetically you. Someone WILL love that person. It's cliche, and repeated constantly for a reason. There is nothing better than the feeling of being loved for who you are.

Orange Is the New Black- A Review (Spoilers inside)

I would like to branch out for a spell, for a few paragraphs, for a page and give my thoughts as a geeky, literary white woman, on the new Netflix Original Series, “Orange is the New Black.”


There has been much trash heaped upon it, as there has been much praise. Some of the negative comments were regarding the depiction of prison to be too cliché, or too racially segregated. But former inmates (http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/08/former-prisoners-watch-orange-is-the-new-black.html) pointed out that much of what is shown is true/accurate to what kind of experience they had. Does this surprise anyone? Props to the creators and writers from not shying away from depicting the prevalence of self inflicted segregation in (federal) prison. (I know many people were mad that it wasn’t the harshness of state prison being depicted, but the show is based on a true story and they were trying to stick to Piper Kerman’s account of her time in federal, not state.)

The other end of the negativity spectrum has to do with the Christian right backlash against it. On one hand, this is silly. If you don’t like the depictions, don’t watch it. But on the other I think that many Christians who have cried out against the depiction of Pensatucky as a meth & abortion addicted ignorant southern Christian , have decidedly ignored the quiet presence of Sister Ingalls, the nun who landed in jail for peaceful anti-nuclear protesting. (http://www.webpronews.com/what-people-who-dont-like-orange-is-the-new-black-say-about-it-2013-08)

I tend to think that those who voraciously point out what they don’t like about other people/shows/lifestyles is what they fear the most about their own selves. Myself included. To me this is a small scale version of the current battle between the moderate right and the extreme tea party right.

But: SPOILER ALERT [None of the reviews mentioned that Pensatucky was never religious until she got to jail. It was something she was roped into playing at by those who paid for her lawyer after she killed a nurse at an abortion clinic. I would imagine that Christians would have more of a problem with the way the religious people who manipulated her acted than her own actions at that point. It is unclear in the first season whether she does it to continue getting legal help from the right, (because that would be smart) or whether she starts to believe. Based on her conversation with her lawyer, I think she is a believer. Hard to say, they did make it look as if Piper killed her, which is one of the reasons I kept from reading the book. I already know what happens to Piper and Larry.] END SPOILER ALERT

And lastly, one of the things from my perspective that was so striking is the frightening understanding that THIS COULD BE ME. Not that I have ever run drugs intercontinental with my lesbian lover per see, but I am a young white woman who makes artisanal bath products and has a fiancé. I tend to say the wrong thing often. I have done a few stupid things in my life, and it comes down to luck. Piper had the bad luck to be named by Alex, Pensatucky had the good luck to be supported by the anti-abortion coalition that saw her commit her crime. That is the core of Jenji’s message. We try to distance ourselves as people on the outside, from those on the inside. They are different, they are other. But they aren’t. I imagine making the same mistakes, preaching the same secular humanism and Robert Frost poetry.

Not only did I feel a great deal of empathy for Piper, I was also terrified during the finale because of it. SPOILER ALERT [Piper’s breakdown and subsequent ruthless beating of Pensatucky is something I admit to having fantasized about doing to certain people who push me too hard. It made me terrified that I could actually commit this kind of crime, because the scene exposed the ruthlessness of humans as caged animals, and that should make anyone uncomfortable and sick to their stomach, as it did to me. She was backed in to a corner, betrayed or abandoned by every one she loved. That place is not far away for any of us.] END SPOILER

Every minute of this show I was on the edge of my seat, willing Piper to make a smart decision and then holding my breath to see what the outcome of her choices would be. Good art should give you a physical reaction. It should punch you in the gut, rip your heart out, uplift your soul and send it spiraling down.