Wednesday, November 5, 2014
With last night's GOP taking control of the senate I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. All that stands between me and the loss of my reproductive health rights is one worn out man grasping to show that things are better now than they were 6 years ago when he stepped into position as president. While he is no Coriolanus Snow, I fear he could be replaced by one who is and that would be the end of the dystopian projection and become reality. We are already so close.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Two post day! I am getting wild up in here! Or I just have a lot to say and my passion is gearing it towards writing rather than anything else at the moment. Not only have I achieved a new peace by letting go of some of my notorious hustle and bustle (think Monica Geller on speed), I have also taken a great personal leap into the world of very visible tattoos. I was advised against this by someone in my life who has some very painfully outdated ideas on human bodies, and personal body relationships which led to some very sad and confused years that has taken many friends, many kind and supportive lovers and much therapy to get over. I am happy to say that other than some grumblings about IBS, Hypothyroidism and TMJ I have a great love for the shapes of my body, bumps, lumps, weird hairs, giant boobs, all of it. I am happy that I listened to myself in taking this step. Because my body is a work of art. It is opening my eyes. Every piece of food or drink that passes my lips, every lotion I use, every haircut I get, every workout and yes, every tattoo is an aspect of 'my art'. I wear my tattoos proudly because they are all a part of the stories I love and stories that have become woven into my own. None more than this latest addition. I carry with me always the spirit of Harry, Katniss, Elsa, Anna, Buffy, Frodo, The Newsies, and Arthur Dent. I carry my heroes and heroines who survived the loss of parents, loved ones, lived through the hardest adventures and never gave up. I am never alone because they are all here with me. And now I am proudly sharing them even more openly with the world. Because maybe, perhaps my story will help strengthen others.
2014 is not over yet but I feel the need to reflect on it now. It has been some time since I last posted. Mostly due to scheduling/health/general malaise, but I feel I am emerging from this state for numerous reasons. 2014 I deemed to be the year of living positively. Right off the bat that fell apart. It took me until recently to really realize why. When you schedule yourself every moment with work, hobbies, exercise, cooking, cleaning, etc. YOU can get lost in the shuffle of THINGS. You stop noticing the small beautiful moments in life. You stop SEEING. I barreled through the year until we finally went on our honeymoon in September, where my habits of excessive planning turned us into burnt out grumps. And I took it to heart. Which isn't to say it wasn't the most magical experience on earth. (Harry Potter land! Dinner in Cinderella's castle!)
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Over the past year I have struggled with depression and anxiety more than usual, much coming from health problems and family deaths that left me reeling. In January it finally all hit at once. Everything. 19 years worth of pain that I had been unknowingly repressing and holding in burst out of me. From there I have been working on rebuilding myself and my brain, one thought at a time. I want to share some of the things that have helped me cope with my acute anxiety disorder so maybe I can help other people who are suffering. Therapy. I had bad experiences with a bad therapist as a child, (after my mom died) and it took many years to seek it out again, but now I have a much better therapist and I feel comfortable sharing. Don't settle for a therapist you don't love. It won't help anything. Trust me. There's a perfect one out there for you. Get off social media more. I really noticed a shift in my spirits when I decided to take weekends as time for just me and my husband and friends I could see in person. I realized that the world didn't end when I didn't know what show so and so watched, or what vacation so and so else had come back from. It really helped me reconnect with my new husband. Give back. This one is the most sensible of all. Buy a homeless person food. Shovel a driveway for someone. Be a mentor to someone struggling. When I am down and find myself without much time I like to browse moreloveletters.com and send letters to people with their own struggles. It helps me feel better by adding more love into the world and it also reminds me that my problems, big as they might seem, are not so big that I can't carry them. Spend time with a pet. Our cat Buttercup knows what time is sit down and cuddle time and will make sure I know if I am cooking too late into the evening or doing other things that interrupt his sacred time with me. He makes me pause and appreciate those around me, if just for a few minutes. It can be annoying but I am more grateful than anything. Lean on your friends. This is something that is hard for me. I grew up as an independent child as a result of some of the darker parts of my childhood. I tried to be as isolated and self reliant as I could and that wore me out. It is spiritually exhausting to be lonely. When I learned how to reach out and ask for help my life improved. It is still scary to put my faith in others, but I am getting better at it. Get to know yourself. So much depression and anxiety comes from drowning in SEPs. (Somebody else's problems.) My therapy is helping me set boundaries and say no to things I don't want to do, and in turn I am less anxious and stressed out. My time is becoming MY time. For me, about me, about what I think. Not in a self centered way. but more learning more about myself and how I tick so I can be a better friend, wife, daughter, sister, niece etc. To thine own self be true.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Over the past week I have been insulted, harangued, threatened and worse. Because I dared to tell the world I am not okay with the fact that women's reproductive systems are being more legislated than guns. The fact I have to type this sentence as a woman in 2014 breaks my heart. One of the worst parts? Someone I tried to explain the situation to dismissed it as not her problem, when her very boss was the one who said the very public and very frightening things to me. She just got an IUD. The very type of birth control her boss would take away from her if she could. WAKE UP AMERICA. This isn't someone else's problem. This is your problem, and your brother's, and your mom's, and your doctor's. It's all our problems. I could cite all the statistics of how our infant mortality rate is skyrocketing, the amount of corruption being revealed in police work and on the floor of Congress. I could talk about the growing violence against men in the growing prison systems and as well as the number of deaths of children to self inflicted gun shot wounds. But what's the point? Men and women like the ones I described above are both symptoms of a greater problem. Each person who turns their back on statistics like the ones above is another degree of damnation. Our country is not falling apart. It is being ripped to shreds by a tightly held oligarchy that we are too lazy to do anything about! Well I'm not. I will be there protesting, escorting women into planned parenthood, I will be using my voice. I will no longer be sitting on the sidelines. I have kicked one person out of my life this week over his views and I will do it again if I have to. I will move mountains starting with a single pebble. I will leave you with a very famous poem. First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Monday, March 31, 2014
The silence is over. The wedding has passed, and now I can share all the crazy crafting projects that have taken my attention away from cooking, blogging, exercise, and everything else but wedding crafting. It was worth it for the things I am going to show you now! (All images not credited are my own measly attempts to capture what I was doing, the gorgeous ones are all professionally done and credited.) When we were forming the idea for our wedding it had started out as a much broader book themed wedding, but when we lost our first venue we changed it, realizing that our second choice venue (Lawry's Prime Rib of Beverly Hills) would be perfect for a Harry Potter themed wedding. Ideas started churning in my head about what I wanted, from the goblet of fire, and the house points to Bertie Botts Beans. There was too much to choose from to represent it all, so we concentrated on enhancing the restaurant's Hogwarts like features. I am not a fan of cut flowers, and I cringed at how much plastic goes into fake ones, so we originally tried making paper flowers, but those had mixed results. (See the past post on this subject.) When those didn't work we went back to the drawing board. We experimented with various media until we stumbled upon ribbon roses. I happened to have a friend who turned out to be brilliant at making them and so we decided to create brooch bouquets with ribbons, since I loved the idea of brooch bouquets.
And the table of cake pops and candy looked great. We really wanted our guests to feel like you had visited Honeydukes. (The candy table got Marvolo Gaunt rings instead of Truffle Snitches because Wormtail found them in the office and ate them all. We even decorated the bathroom stalls. Wands and Wood Banners were made by Men of the Cloth Hair by Leanne Hare Makeup by Megan Vigil